Wal-Mart at 11:30 p.m.

Last night I ran to Super Wal-Mart with my roommate for a few essential items (hair conditioner and peanut butter). I have learned over the years that Wal-Mart at 11:30 p.m. is an even stranger place than Wal-Mart at 4 p.m., but last night topped all experiences.

Here are just a few of the encounters we had last night (sadly, there were more).

En route to the peanut butter aisle we passed two guys about our age; they were the Agriculture major type, and they stared at us without shame. Unfortunately we went down the wrong aisle and had to pass them again, and they asked us if we were lost. And of course, while heading toward the check-out aisle, we passed them yet again, but this time they decided to be cute and make comments at us, which we of course ignored because we didn't particularly like the idea of being hit on at Wal-Mart at 11:30 p.m.

We left the store without incident and went home to pick up another roommate, then all went to a local ice cream shop, which unfortunately was closing as we arrived. After being stared at by every man in the parking lot, we backed up the car, traveled back to Wal-Mart because, gosh dang it, we wanted ice cream.

And of course, as we entered the Supercenter, who did we see? Our two Ag major friends. They thought they were hilarious and make all sorts of comments and then called out at us from across the parking lot.

Well, we bought our ice cream and left the store, where a middle-aged man made no attempt to hide the fact that he was staring at us for a long as he could. All three of us laughed at the ridiculousness of it all and headed back to my car, and behold, we weren't through with guys yet.

Across the parking lot aisle, a man stood next to his car and called out to us: "Which one of you is from Oregon?" I said I was and got in my car while my roommates just about died of laughter. The poor guy really seemed pretty normal, and I think he realized how creepy he was as soon as I answered, but last night, he just topped off the Wal-Mart experience.

Moral of the story: If you need a date, don't bother going to social events, joining an online service or getting your friends to hook you up, just go to Wal-Mart.